Vegetables for Sugar Snacks

Published On January 18, 2013


First dates leave infinite room for surprise. Sometimes they’re good, sometimes they’re bad, and other times it’s just a lesson learned. Unfortunately, I do not have the privilege to account any of those for this date in particular.

‘Shock!’ is more like it. Right around the time I finally decided to take this gentlemen up on his offer, I had just broken two hearts— mine and my ex’s. While the break-up was my idea, I was still battling the decision. Long distance relationships are not easy, especially following a long run of high school sweetheart first loves up against the constraints of the military and a first-year college life in the Big City. The bright lights wake you and the supermodels intimidate. Everyone’s out for their own piece of the pie and you have to get in where you can fit in for a slice. I was hungry.

“It’s time to explore!” I thought. “Look at all those tall, dark, and charming prospects!” I gagged. I felt the pressure of my long-distance love riding my neck like a monkey on a horse. I wanted to break free. I knew there was the possibility that the next go-round could bring about the burden of a shark instead, but I was prepared for the adventure; anticipated it, even.

A co-worker of mine had blatantly been eyeing me around the time my boss spilled the beans. “So, you’re a single girl now, aye?” Following my long run-down of events that occurred over my weekend, he decided to comment on the most personal as soon as this prospective love stepped in the door. He smiled. I bit my tongue.

I never had anything against him; I always crushed on him a bit: tall, funny, smirky smile that never came off too condescending nor judgmental. But should it go wrong, I thought, I wouldn’t want to have this looming issue to deal with 4 days out of the week at work. Nonetheless, he asked, and I obliged.

I’d always been on the offense about theaters as first dates. Unless it’s accompanied with a dinner, it really doesn’t accomplish much. You meet up nearby, the tickets are bought, you find a seat, talk a bit during the advertisements, nervously over- or under-react to the movie, say how much fun you had (not interacting), and go your separate ways. So, as soon as I found out this was the destination of choice, I figured there’d definitely be a second, so I could get to know him.

Little did I know that one simple gesture would be enough.

It all began very predictable. We met outside of the theater, hugged, and chatted about our day for a bit. He purchased the tickets for the movie, which was beginning not too long after. We walked into the screening room to find our seats, got comfortable, and began to talk a bit more. I’m not one to complain about monetary things, but I did find it odd that he hadn’t bothered to offer neither drink nor popcorn. I figured I wouldn’t judge him as we were both students at the time, and definitely did not come from affluent households.

“I’ve seen plenty of movies without snacks before,” I thought. “Sure would be nice to have some though…”

Mid-way through the movie, I discovered that, in fact, he had brought something.

“You hungry?” he asked.

“Umm… not really… you brought snacks?”

“Yeah, something special for you. Hold on.”

He went inside of his backpack and pulled out a small black moms & pops plastic bag. Untying the knot, he asked me to close my eyes.

“I want to feed you.”

“I’m sorry… excuse me?”

“Close your eyes, let me feed you.”

Completely freaked out, I attempted to keep my composure. “That’s okay. Just tell me what you have.”

Opening the bag, he pulled out a White Chocolate bar of Toblerone, broke off a triangular piece, picked out a big, dark and juicy strawberry (he took his time) then repeated:

“Close your eyes, and let me feed you.”

“No thank you,” I said. I turned my head back to the movie screen.

What had he expected to happen? A magical moment in the movie theater of me slow-eating, gagging, and sucking on his fingers for an unwashed strawberry from his city-germed fingers as people behind us looked on and laughed, or worse— commented!? Did he suspect I would fall deep in love from this “sexy” gesture and offer myself up to him right then and there? Was he some helpless romantic that took it just one step too far beyond the red line? Was I witnessing the real life, younger version of the 40-Year-Old-Virgin?

I sat in the movie theater with the Lochness Monster biting on my ear screaming “YOU CHOSE THIS LIFE!”

I had never been so embarrassingly happy to ask for my long distance love back than ever before. Unfortunately, he made the decision for us to remain friends… that is until Godzilla found him too.

-Jazzi Johnson, @bubbleMAMI

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